Remembrance

I remember a time when I had a carefree spirit, I didn’t care about anything but I had everything that I had ever wanted.  I had a loving family, great friends, and an all around happy life.  Nothing could ruin the broad view that I had on life.  It was like look out onto the horizon, you could see everything that lay out before you, as far as the eye could see.  The beautiful colors of that horizon, dazzling and brilliant, glistened in the distance.

I remember the joy I had felt all my life.  It was a new ending, the end of a school year, but the beginning of a great adventure for the summer that lay ahead of us.  A ten-year-old girl with a grand view of life could dream from nothing more, that was the way that I saw it then.  It was like nothing could tear that day apart.

I remember the date clearly: June 2, 2003.  It was the day that my life was turned upside down forever.  I was at the technology center with my dad that day, my mother was driving a bus for summer school, and my brother was in summer school that summer.  Everything was bright and I was so happy but then news came that my young mind didn’t quite want to understand.

I remember my mom calling my dad around one, just a little while after we had gotten off of lunch break.  We had been walking around and as we were walking out of one of the class rooms my dad’s phone went off.  Seeing the pained look on my dad’s face then told me that something had happened, everything had gone wrong.  He was so upset and my mind wasn’t able to register what he told me.

I remember my dad telling some of the ladies up front that he had to leave and we were gone.  We were on the way home, I was sitting in the passenger seat and my dad was crying as we made our way home.  I tried harder to wrap my mind around the news that my dad had told me and that is when the truth hit me like a ton of bricks: my grandpa was gone; he had passed early that morning.  My mind had denied me the truth and it went into denial, fighting with the truth that was there in front of me.  I didn’t want to believe that he was gone, how could he be gone?  That is what my mind had told me, yet the inevitable finally caught up to me and it tore me to pieces.

I remember me breaking into tears that seemed to never end as the realization of the situation finally hit to me.  A sudden feeling of pain and remorse settled over me, making my life spiral out of control.  There was nothing I could do, I loved him but there was no way for us to bring him back.  He had been gone for too long.

I remember my grandpa as the man he was for all those years when I was younger.  I remember his smiling face as he came out to meet us when we would visit him.  I remember his laughter, his voice, and his scent; it’s all a part of my distant memories that still grip me each year that has passed us by.  I remember his love for us, especially for all four of his grandchildren.  I remember the most important thing: he is in a much better place than here.