November 27, 2011 Started like an ordinary day, although my mom was not feeling well. She had been in home care and hospice for nearly 3 years, and had good days and bad days. 

However, I realized it was not just another bad day when she called me to her bed side and said “You better call your father”. My dad was at work, I knew in my heart that this was the time we had all been preparing ourselves for. I called my dad and all I said when he came to the phone was “Dad.. ” he heard it in my voice and just said “I’ll be right there!”  He said up at her bedside the whole night, she passed gracefully the next day with all her family and close friends around her.

Grieving is such a personal experience and one can never prepare themselves. There is no quick way through it. When you lose a loved one and are grieving it hits you at different times. I remember having it hit me at the grocery store months after my mom passed when my eye caught a display of Strawberry Parfait, one her favorite desserts.  

The first spring after my mom passed was difficult. My mom loved spring.  Life was awaken from winter all around me, yet, I myself was still feeling like winter.  I was driving along in my car when I saw a woman on a motorcycle, it took me back to years ago when I had a small Yamaha 650 and so enjoyed riding around on it.  

The next day I decided I wanted to get a motorcycle and went down to a little shop that sold used bikes. He mostly had sport bikes and I myself wanted a cruiser style bike. He had only two, a Honda Rebel 250 and an older Honda Rebel 450.  I bought the 450 and wobbled out of the lot on it. Fortunately it didn’t take me long to regain the hang of it again.  

The first place I rode was to the cemetery to visit mom and show her my new used bike.  When ever I was feeling down, I would hop on that bike and go, tears leaving my eyes and flying off in the wind.  I would ride around in the country and just let the rolling hills of Iowa and Nebraska sooth me.

As I said grieving is such a personal experience, and for me, hopping on my bike and riding allowed me to be alone and attend to my grieving with no distractions.  One day, I was having a very bad day and it was one of those days where I wish I could call my mom and hear her voice. I couldn’t, so, I got on my bike.