Dear Diary,

It’s the week before Thanksgiving and I visit the nursing home where I do volunteer work in hopes of cheering those who have no family or friends visiting them. Thanksgiving has always been a sad holiday for me because it makes me reflect on the year and at times the sad memories consume me to the point where I dread the holiday celebration.  Today there were many happy faces as I sat and chatted with a few of the residents. There was Mrs. M, happy to be spending the day with her daughter at her house and looking forward to being out of the nursing home even though it would be for only one day. Then there was Mrs. E, her family was visiting her after they had their dinner and they were spending most of the evening with her now that she couldn’t be there with them. She had fallen and with a badly bruised leg had to stay and recover before she would be able to go home.  Poor Mrs. E was just released the week before last after healing from a previous fall but this time she needed to stay put.

The saddest part of this day was visiting with the relatives of those residents with Alzheimer’s. They faithfully visit their wives, mothers or sisters and never do I get the impression their visits are an inconvenience. No, these family members visit with a heart full of love and smiles and they will sit with their loved ones, feed them, clean them and have normal conversations with them. This is sad for me because even though they are there, their loved ones are not alert, some are not responsive and others are just sitting there staring into space.  It shouldn’t sadden me but it does for the family members and for me since I’m sure some day I will be like them either visiting a family member with Alzheimer’s or being visited myself by my loved ones.  There is love in their eyes and actions, there is love in their visits and that eases my sadness at times.

After visiting several of my new friends and making their day by sharing my stories or touching their hand or even by listening to their stories makes me feel good about my work.  Then there was Mr. R, who just as I’m signing myself out I spot him near the door in his wheelchair going out for his cigarette.  I sign out and follow him and he is angry as he usually is, but although I signed out and should head over to my car and drive home, I follow him outside to the usual corner where he smokes his cigarettes.  He is sad because he has no one. No family, no friends, no one to come and visit him. He tells me he hates the holidays and it depresses him where he wishes he were dead, because no one would miss him.

It makes me sad and angry to hear him say this and I tell him he should not say such things because I will miss him if he does die and I will miss having him around when I come for my visits.  He says why should I miss someone like him….and I tell him why. “Because you are a fighter and you are not a quitter and although holidays are sad and depressing to some people, we need to reflect on the good we had at one time in our lives.” He didn’t care, got angrier and said he hates the place. I told him I will be his adoptive family and I will make sure I seek him out at all my visits and to be there for me when I come by.  He nods his head as if to brush me off and then I tell him I have to leave but I wanted to give him a kiss on his cheek.  He was so surprised at my kind gesture and after I kissed his cheek and told him to take care of himself and be around for my next visit, he thanks me for my kiss, his face transformed by surprise that I would do such a thing and tells me to be careful driving home.  Mr. R is alone without family but I will make sure I visit him and try to bring him a little bit of happiness on my visits.

It’s not easy giving up my free time to visit those less fortunate, but it is fulfilling driving home and taking with me a smile, a touch, a tear and yes, memories these people are giving me to add to my life.

Well Diary, until my next entry I humbly end my day.

Life is good.