Sexual Abuse:  Being Molested

Sometimes as children things happen to us that we have no control over.  Those events in our lives are marked or remembered by other things that happened that same day. 

Most children are molested or sexually abused by someone within their own family, a friend of the family or someone they know. 

I was molested by my brother in law the summer between my freshman and my sophomore year in high school.  That was the summer of ‘76.  I remember it being a hot summer day and I remember that there was a movie called “Thoroughly Modern Millie” and it starred Mary Tyler Moore.  My sister was pregnant with her oldest child at the time and about 10 weeks away from delivery. 

When a child or young teen is molested, things are stolen that can never be returned and it mars their perception on how things should really be.  Sexual abuse by a loved one will either drive them closer to that person or create hatred so profound that it eats away at them for the rest of their life. 

What things are stolen?  Memories of a first kiss, first love, experimenting with their boyfriends and expectations of what love really is and how you should feel about the whole sexual experience when you are older.  It affects your self esteem and creates fear and not being able to trust a person.  It always causes doubts if the person you love really loves you.

It causes psychological and emotional problems.  I was never able to sleep with my back to a door or in a dark room, until I met and married who is now my husband.  I was very afraid to tell anyone what had happened.  I finally told my mother about two weeks after it happened.  I was forced to face the person who molested me for years after the incident.  I felt betrayed by my sister because she didn’t divorce him. 

The assault was not full blown intercourse.  His hands invaded my body.  He kissed me and violated me.  Feelings did rise that I didn’t understand at that time.  Years later when I spoke to a therapist and told him I felt guilty, he had me tell my sister it was because I felt things that only a person should feel with their spouse.  The guilt, however that I felt, was not over the feelings I experienced.  The guilt was because that I had let something like that happen and she was pregnant.  I don’t know if she ever understood. 

If you are molested or touched by someone inappropriately or against your will, please tell someone right away.  Don’t wait!  Don’t feel guilty!  Feel anger and betrayal.  You are the victim and it is not your fault.