I can’t decide which is worse: non-stop puking, or anally inserting pills so I don’t puke. My ass is burning and I have the chills. I’m so weak right now I feel like Superman with a bad case of the kryptonite. I forgot to mention that last night I shat all over my bed. It came out like brown water and smelled like tuna. Thanks to the butt pills I slept like a baby in my own shit all night. So here I am at the Laundromat getting the stink eye from Habeeb behind the counter while I wash my unholy garments. I don’t even want to talk about the cute Saturday laundry blonde girl. She frowned her nose away as I waddled (my now least favorite part of my body) by with my sack of laundry reeking like “Chicken of the Sea”. I wish they had a washer for a futon mattress. You always think you’re a real man until you get the stomach flu and spend your Saturday washing the shit out of your sheets.