The sideways talker does so usually to avoid confrontation. Rather than saying “Your breath stinks” they say “Wow, that guys breath stinks”. They might make a comment about somebodies clothing looking like it needs to be ironed or something, but really they are trying to drop you a hint that your clothing needs to be ironed.

Employers will sometimes use this method of talking when disciplining staff. Rather than saying they saw a problem in an employee, they may fabricate a customer complaint about the employee in effort to avoid looking like the bad guy. Employers might go so far as to point fingers at other businesses, saying that because the store down the street is raising its prices, or lowering its staffs hours, they are doing the same. They might make business decisions on their own that negatively impact employees but say that the decision came from elsewhere.

Typically people who are sideways talkers are soon caught onto by their peers. People around them come to know that this is the form of confrontation they choose to take. It is not right by any means, and often involves little white lies. The person communicating in this way does not see the harm in it, and is typically doing so to prevent negative thoughts towards them.

In the end this method of communication is almost harmless. However there are some problems that do arise. First of all when this becomes their standard, people start to distrust them. It is a form of dishonesty. People also start to second guess everything this person says, are they relating a true story, or are they talking about you?

The chronic sideways talker is acting to protect themselves, talking with no integrity. They lose value in the eyes of others. As such while it may be okay to use this approach when talking to somebody, it should not be the only approach taken.

If a persons breath stinks they would probably appreciate being told, or offered a mint. An employer should have enough integrity to deal with employee situations honestly not in a fearful way. Sure they should use tact, but making up lies, which may eventually be found out, ultimately lowers the employer in the eyes of the employees.

If you know a sideways talker, you may come out and say things to them like “Well if I had bad breath I would hope somebody would tell me.”. This might make that person aware that you are open and willing to take hearing such comments in an honest light. If you find yourself becoming a sideways talker, try to break the habit and take ownership of your own thoughts and comments, or keep them to yourself.

Other Links you May Enjoy

Adult Bullies and Social Boundaries

How Men and Women Think Differently About Sex

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