There are a little bit over 6 billion of us sharing the mother earth right at this moment. So there are as many thoughts, feelings, reactions and behaviours. So as many ways of hating and loving. No matter what our backgrounds, our family habits or our education are, we are who we are when we are hating and when we are loving. Because these are extreme emotions, they somehow touch our very base, our core in a way that non other emotion does. Anger or joy or sadness can be attained or controlled to a degree by therapy or medication, but once someone hates deep down inside, it is highly unlikely any medication will cover that up, or cure it. Hate is so deep rooted and entrenched in our psyche through bigotry, ignorance or brainwashing that it can strip us from our humanity in many ways. And this is witnessed by all of us, everyday in homicides, in every torture, in every genocide.

So is love. There are as many ways of loving as there are as many of hearts. Love is not something we learn along the way. We are all born with it. Look at the little babies, just full of love, ready to love anything and everything. We do fine tune our ways of loving however as we understand it involves others, be it a person, an animal or even a plant. But why do we love? Why do we choose that particular person, or even is it a conscious choice? If it was only physical attraction would not we pick the most beautiful people at all times? That is not the case, unless you are looking for only sex of course. Who we love is not always the best looking person we have ever encountered, or most successful or most affluent. What is it about that person that makes us feel different about them? Kahlil Gibran has this wonderful quote “It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even for generations” Then I thought about all the life coaches and all other gurus who try to tell us what love is, and how should we feel and behave in a “relationship.” All the steps to follow, all the boxes to fill, all the lists to make, all pointing us to use our head, get the “ego” involved in it. Don’t go to the next step until you are sure about the first step! Don’t call someone the next day, so that they won’t think you are “needy”. All the rules that make it a game out of your feelings. All the negotiations about what the relationship is supposed to be or where is it going, what to label it, how to categorize it. No wonder we have so many single and divorced people everywhere. We are so worried and focused on the rules and the labels and the steps that we forgot how to just be, and let ourselves to love and to be loved.