Where was I that night, or early that day? I cannot recall, it’s faded away. The despair, the dampness, I felt to the bone. The feeling I got, walking alone. I searched for someone, anyone to see, the things that I felt, deep within me.  I watched them all, blend, coalesce, I wanted them more, they wanted me less. A nervous laugh, a sheepish grin, uneasy feeling of inner chagrin. They do not discern the nature of my essence, some called it a curse, others a blessing. The days as a boy, playing with glee, teased and taunted, mercilessly. The change did come, inevitably, assimilation, in order to be.  The nature of things, they call it the beast. Suffered by all, greatest to least. An exterior look of consternation, preponderant approval; do as they say, or they usher removal. The animals lurk and loom in a pride, ready to strike, there’s nowhere to hide. They mandate the method one lives their life, command you to become one with the strife. If you do not agree, then it’s you who are wrong, they cast you out, you the weak, they the strong. The palatial courts that are shared by the masses, though not for all, divided by classes. Proverbs, dictums, axioms which rule, spoken and written, blood which is blue. The nature of the one with opposable thumbs, commands your inclusion, forced to be numb. There is no standing alone, no free will, for the principality orders the kill. For fleeting moments I did indeed endeavor, still and all, I did not weather, the storm which raged and wailed from inside; called for release, intensified. The chance encounters never expected, the betrayal of assurance, then being rejected. The gates unbolted, entry granted, from trust which was sown, bloomed the deception they planted. Growing now, older still. Not yet relented, won’t  deliver my will. Aloof is what’s said, rings through the air, selfish, standoffish, he cannot care.  The lessons learned not longer require, a need for acceptance, no burning desire.  Optimistic innately, opposed by the sum; cannot be vanquished, liberates, intrinsic freedom. Though at times it is cold, though times I feel weak, though times I yearn for someone to speak, to drop the facade , to simply engage, not act so odd, so impugn towards the sage. The nature defies what flows from grace, the lonely straggler is not quite so bizarre, inside he lives what you feel, knows what  you are. Time may stagnate, emotions seem still, withstand the flux, break your own will. The stranger that’s seen peripherally, could one day be you, let alone me. Day will always break after night, darkness is temporal, subjected to light. The consanguinity that radiates as I stroll, I needn’t find you, for I have my soul.