She introduced me to some events that were of interest, special retreats, group readings.  I thought this was fun and just another past time that many other people found interesting, as time went by 1988, 1989, I advanced in my computer skills, had a few sexual encounters, the same job in 2 years, it kinda started when I received a call from brother, sounding a little loaded, we exchanged pleasantries and then something very dark and sad came over me and I started to cry while we were talking, since I was in the office I hid my emotions the best I could, my brother was unaware what I was going through, but I knew and said to my self this fuckers dying.  At the time I didn’t know but I was headed back to Chicago.  About a month, sure as shit I was on Greyhound headed for Chicago, when I got there I moved in with my sister Cani Ann, that didn’t last too long because I got a job and found my own place.  I started school at night while I worked, I decided I needed a piece of paper to back up my new skills.

Things were going good, I graduated, I was working in Schaumburg and living in a nice apartment, my brother soon died, and I did not take this too well, he was very special  to me, I felt abandon in a way, my best advocate gone, the person who was on my side, no matter what.  I lost my job and apartment 2 years later, and started to have time not filled longer than I imagined would ever be, I felt scared, lost.  When I finally found work something was missing, I was learning new technologies, but I no longer felt anchored.  I wondered about the monster, I first realized I was in a fight for my life with the monster back in 1984, I was aghast, first divorce, quiting my job, selling my drums, now this, it was too much.  I know the monster whom I call T.RX is part of my day to day struggles but there is something else?  I have faced big challenges before but not with T.RX on my back, and still there something else going on.  My social life tanked after my divorce, it seems every potential I met would turn out to be a loser, I kept thinking, I keep meeting women who are me before the change, and I thought so this is Karma  huh, but I thought I changed, I am no-longer the trophy hunter, I am the new Michael.  When the year 1995 came I rekindled an old friendship from the 70’s, a musician who I regarded with respect and admiration, we soon became current buddies again and I even worked for him during the summer setting up his stages, it was fun work and after the summer of working you really were in great shape, the other thing was because he was still playing guitar in bands I started playing drums again, at first it was obvious that I was really rusty and would tire easily, but I got bettor, but then life happened, I had been working as a consultant making a good paycheck and saving money, when the contract ended, I decided to move to Phoenix, and it turned out like California, I struggled for the first few month’s but then got another consulting gig that lasted two years, those two years I lived well, had many good experiences and some bad, so I invited my Mom to live with me in 1996, it lasted awhile but not too long and we parted, then things got bad and I found myself homeless, then Mom got terminally sick and moved back to Chicago to die, she moved in with my sister Marge, I in the mean time was doing bettor, fighting T.RX, living in a commune type situation and was feeling good, then life took over and I got a call from Marge, she needed help with Mom, I got on a plane and the next thing I know I am back in Chicago.