STARBUCKS DUDE! FUCK YA! LETS GO BRO!

…….

#1 – Why do you find it necessary to go to starbucks every god damn day of your life.  You have an addiction, find help.  More and more every day, your teeth look like you let every stray dog in Mexico City piss in your mouth.  More and more every day, your breath smells worse than 1,000 self-shitting skunks having an orgy inside of a mortuary that is burning down.

#2 – Some of you go just because you think you are cool as fuck.  YO BRO, let’s meet up at the local bux and chill in the lounge and be social with our scarves, wool caps and denim in this 103 degree weather during the hottest summer ever recorded.  Everybody at school hates us, so let’s pretend we are somebody while we are here at Starfucks.  HEY BRO, what do you think these random customers will think of us when they walk in and we’re over in the corner having a group study session?  Do you think they will think we are smart and important?  Do you think they will think we are somebody?  Do you think they will think “Damn, I wish I was friends with those people over there in the corner.  I’d like to approach them and ask if I may join them and become their pals.”

#3 – You drink more coffee than water.  What the fuck?

#4 – If you must… go inside, get your coffee you addicted crack hoe and get the fuck out.  Why the fuck are you going to bring your laptop in there, pay for 6 hours of their internet, when you could be at home using your internet and not pay 5.00 an hour for a slow, congested, wireless connection.  It disgusts me to see people basically living inside Starbucks.  You have a home.  Go there now.

Stop letting Starbucks run your life.

No, I am not a Foldger’s spokesperson.  I hate coffee.  A lot.  And all the moca loca boka joka shit out there.