These walls I’ve built, these iron gates that have guarded me for so long have rendered themselves useless with your hello. No surprise there. They’ve become soft and brittle, and much more vulnerable than I have allowed myself the opportunity to prepare for. I feel the walls caving in on me, crumbling like they have been hit by a seemingly invisible force too indiscernible to detect. You never make it easy, do you? You come and go as you please, always coming back a little different than before. Still the same, but also new.

I am taken aback by the impact you still have on me, and by the chains that still bind my feet. Safe to say, I am helpless in my own skin—immobilized and glued to the concrete underneath. The same gravity that pulls me to you holds me down and stops me dead in my tracks. I forget how to breathe and my lungs search for air in desperation. The only distinguishable sound I can hear is that of my heart’s, beating uncontrollably in my unguarded chest—loud as a drum, consistently inconsistent, the way it’s always been in your presence. My mind is empty, shell-shocked, to be exact. No thoughts can form quick enough for translation. They are forever intercepted by your words, forever lost in my hollow mind. I try to run, but to no avail. Even if it were possible, my feet, with minds of their own, would probably find a way back to you.

You will never know the suffering that I endure, the inner conflict I have to resolve on my own. You speak to a drone, a physical embodiment of something that is not me. I have long been hidden within myself, longing for your hands to reach out and grab me.

Hold on to me even for just a moment. I know you’re leaving again, but show me the reasons you would stay..

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