I was lounging in a friends pool the other day, lazily watching my boyfriend and some random, sweaty men build a new deck, when one of them mentioned that although the deck was almost finished, there was still much work to be done. He then went on to discuss how, in order for his pool to be “legal”, they had to then build a fence around it. Now, being a bit slow on such matters, I enquired about the logistics of such a task. He patiently explained to me that if anyone happened to be trespassing on his property, and happened to fall in his pool- and get injured or die- he would be liable.

Needless to say, this severely irritated me.

As I floated around, slowly losing even more faith in humanity, I looked around me. I was in an above ground pool, surrounded on two sides by a new deck (which connected immediately to the house). I looked out past the pool to at least 12 acres of open land bordered by several yards of heavily wooded forest. I could barely make out the twinkling lights of the neighboring homes. In my mind, I made my way up the long private driveway to the only other house on the street- which incidentally belonged to a family member.

Then I thought to myself, now why in the world would a complete stranger sneak onto this property, to go swimming in a pool that they more than likely don’t even know exists?! And say this did miraculously happen and the perpetrator killed himself, how could my friend possibly be to blame? That sounds like a simple case of poetic justice to me.

His property is quite obviously private. It is a complete pain to get to his pool in the first place ( through the house, out back, across the deck, up some steps to ANOTHER deck, etc.) And even if you did make it to the pool, it is quite literally impossible to fall in…unless you are drunk…or mentally disabled. And say a drunk person did get hurt by miraculously falling into his pool, then that said person should get arrested for disorderly conduct. And lets just say, hypothetically, that someone with severe autism fell in the pool….first of all, how did he get there? And second of all, how is that anyones fault? Unless you pushed him of course, which is a completely different story.

I just do not understand the logic behind, “If I fall into your pool, while trespassing on your property, and get hurt, I will sue you.”

Or ( this one is my favorite)

“If I am robbing your house, and hurt myself, I will sue you.”

Or (another personal favorite)

“If I decide to eat Big Macs for breakfast, lunch and dinner and happen to become morbidly obese, I will sue McDonalds.”

How absolutely ridiculous can we get here people?! Does the concept of taking responsibility for your own actions no longer apply?

All I can say is, if you trespass on my property, and fall in my pool, I am going to watch gleefully while you splash around for a bit, then I will send my burly dog in to rescue you ( she bites) and then I will call the police and press charges so I can get YOUR money!

Think about it.