Today I woke up, and I was numb; my cheeks stained from the tears that fell last night. Why? Why did I let myself get emotional like that. Is it because I hate that things have changed? 

I read over our texts last night, and I noticed a shift in how you treated me. i already knew this shift existed, but it hurt so much more seeing it… from that night onward you have pushed away. You don’t seem to care anymore. Therefore, I’m not going to care anymore. This is me saying I’m done trying, and you will have to try hard to get me to look your way again. I’m not even going to go to this Gay club thing on the 21st because I don’t want to be trapped in a situation where if you upset me, or I upset you, I have no where to go. Mix alcohol with that and we have a recipe for disaster. 

Dad is back in the hospital today. I still haven’t told him I am gay… and I feel like I should because he seems to slowly be going downhill. I need to hang out with him more. I need to get him to see who I am without causing any harm to him. I don’t want to throw him into another heart attack. I have something written out kind of, but I don’t know when I am going to give it to him.

Dear Dad, 
Your close encounter with the angel of death has me thinking a lot. While I was sitting in the waiting room unsure of what was going on, all I could think was if something went wrong and you died, you wouldn’t know who I am. It took this event to push me to even want to tell you about me… Dad I’m gay. I know it doesn’t go along with your beliefs, but I know God made me this way. I want you to know me so that one day when I do get married to a man and have a family of my own you’ll be able to see me, my husband, and my children grow up like a father should. I know that we don’t see eye to eye all the time, more like we never see eye to eye, but I do love you. You’re my dad, and I would never change that, just like this shouldn’t change the fact that I am your son. 
Love,
Christopher

I wonder how he will react to this?

Well I start school tomorrow !! I’m not ready because I really just want to become a bum, but I know that would be a waste of everything I have worked so hard for. Nursing school isn’t easy, but I know that it will benefit me in the future. 

Well I am out of things to say for right now! So until tomorrow!