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How do you know when you’re over a person? Does it involve loving them no more? Or by simply accepting the fact that it’s over? Does the fear you feel change? Evolve into something else to the point that you don’t actually know what you’re afraid of anymore? I have so many questions and not enough answers. I’ve stopped talking about it so much. I’m afraid of pissing people off to the point of hating me. I’m writing and realising how stupid it all sounds, but it is so so real to me. Knowing that I sound stupid, therefore appear stupid makes me feel even worse. I hate these viscious circles that we all form and become tangled within. Why do they need to exist? I hate this cynical side of me. I came out of this break up a proud bi-sexual woman. Actually accepting a large integral part of who I am for the first time. I tell people now, I’m proud. I’m a different person now, I regret that for the past couple of years I haven’t been myself. Especially with H. I love her so so much. Years of experience, learning from others and the world around me taught me that in order to get over a person you need to not love them anymore. Why is that? I like how it feels to love a person. I avoided it for so long, I made her believe it for even longer – and why? So I wouldn’t have to admit to myself that I like girls as well as boys? I convinced myself and her that when we made love it was meaningless sex. I am such a horrible, horrible person. I understand why she found someone else. I just wish every single day that it wasn’t true. And that, realising everyday that she’s with someone else is what kills me now. It’s why I’ve cut all contact with her. I realise it sounds extreme but I did try. I tried for almost two months to get on with it. Be friends, she’s my best friend and I’m hers. But I found myself going insane – One day I’d be great, the next I’d think about the best way to cut my wrists. All of which isn’t me! So I thought and thought and thought about it, and in my heart I knew that I just had to cut all contact until further notice. So I could survive. Gosh I sound like such a drama queen. When the last thing I want is attention or people feeling sorry for me. I guess, it’d be nice to not feel so alone in all of this.