The last thoughts of a slowly dying person.

What was life. I mean what was life really. This question kept me pondering all through the night. Laying in bed staring at the ceiling feeling like there was no where I could go. And yet, feeling as if I knew the answer all ready deep inside but couldn’t bring it to the surface of my mind. Was this how a crazy person felt like? This unnecessary feeling the need to pity ones self in silence. Where was I suppose to go from here?

My day started normal as every day went. I got up from my nightly slumber to my lonely kitchen for the precious cup of coffee that I required to jolt myself back to reality. Slowly draining the cup of its precious contents; to then walk myself to my shower. Drying myself while walking to my bedroom to choose out the outfit of the day which was normally black. Walking outside to the crowed sides walks to track down a taxi cab which was the beginning of misery. 

Walking into work while the faceless people that were my co workers pretended that today was nothing but a normal day. In reality it was the day I would be fired. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was my time that had come and later I found myself starring to the endless Iblis that was called a park. 

Sitting there while couples walked hand in hand in loving arms while not knowing that not everything was beautiful. This was the problem of our world. Not everyone is happy. Not everyone sees the beauty . And even some know that they wont be able to keep living knowing that they have nothing to keep them on this plane. 

My life had never meant much but I once had everything. A family, friends, a job, even a car. Now I had nothing but a lonely apartment in the middle of a city that never sleeps. Nothing left that separated me from the homeless but a box with four walls.

Laying in bed knowing that my time was coming to an end almost seemed peaceful. There was no one left to miss me or worry. Once my spirit has left this world freedom will be truly known. So laying still so still. Feeling the warmth slowly leave every vein. Peace and non suffering was here to stay.  

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  • Vigilant Pariah on Aug 1, 2012

    I’ll miss you. Don’t end it all just because life seems bad now. Believe me, it isn’t worth it. I was once where you are. Alone, depressed, luckless, helpless. Then I tried to end my own existence. Suddenly it was as if someone had turned on the lights. I saw that there really were people that cared about me. I got help, and eventually, I recovered. It may seem bad now, but trust me, it gets a whole lot better.

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