Another Story!

Part Deux: The Recapturing of The Sausage Pot

I was on my way to Upper-East Barnland following the jubliant eggman to whatever it was jubliant eggman indeed need to take young handsome men, rather jolly like myself, to see, or to do. He led me down a path of vibrant, beige coloured grain (I assumed it was a ‘he’ as my pin-point investigative skills inuativley told me that the given name of Eggman would have it that this was indeed a male. Although I am not entirely sure how you would tell an Eggman from an Eggwoman as this Eggman spoke with a rather jolly high pitched squeek-like voice which did infact narrowly refrain from bursting my rather dense and well-worn eardrums) Eitherhow this EggThing led me down the path of grain toward a great sign that read, “EGG PLANTATION FARM – RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW FUNK SOUL BROTHERS!” I was taken back by its neon vibrancy and its cartoon style drawing of a young man that resembled that of one Norman Cook. The EggThing proceeded to indicate toward the many activities partaking on the side of the grain path, he followed this action with a quick and rather amusing anecdote of how these activities came to pass and help the EggThings survive in their world on Upper East Barnland – a name that shocked me as there were infact no barns in this south easternly land. In actually fact there were giant Golden Chickens, Hens if you will, pertruding the area holding clipboards and upon the siren of production passed judgment to the growth of EggThings by saying “Nice. Nice. I like its shape. Eggstremely Eggular.”

The podgy little EggThing that warbled by my side as we sauntered along the grainy path began to indulge in some half baked tale of how Upper-East Barnland came to be.  He began . . .

“In a land long before time when it was only CaveGeese that patrolled the windy retreats of this vast earth, the grainy beige glow of Upper-East Barnland and it’s surrounding districts was merely known as Grainsville.  A group of chicken explorers came across this area and were astounded to find they could infact live from eating the terrain, just as our dear friends Wallace and Gromit did on their journey to the Moon, their Grand Day Out.  The leader chicken, Midas, proclaimed that all chickens coat themselves in a golden juice of a paint-like texture that we later came to refer to as paint and then pass this ceremonious activity onto their juniors and thus a long line of golden chickens.  However it is not untill the 1670s when Midas and his sidekicks Jimi, Carlos and Fabio discovered a brillinat red barn filled with many mystical wonders including a lamp that pertruded out from the first box of tricks inside the door of the barn.  It bleated with a bleating sound “Rub me, rub me hard, as you would Christina Aguilera, rub me, rub me hard and over and over back and forth, don’t ever stop, unless a white slimey genie pops out and grants you pleasurable warmth in the possessing of one item from this very barn.”  So Midas began rubbing the lamp, harder, faster, stronger and harder, faster and harder, stronger, harder and faster than he’d ever rubbed anything before, even in his teenage years.  Low and behold a genie poofed out of the lamp and began singing a song, something about friends, love, death, riches, camels, swords and thousands of hoards.  He then exclaimed that Midas, Jimi, Carlos and Fabio were to take one item from the barn.  Due to Fabio’s overwhelming love of eggs they decided to take an Eggplant in favour of taking jewels, money, women, wine, cars that shine, i’m sure you don’t know what i’m talking about but i think you have the idea.  Thus that is how the Egg plantations began and the golden chickens began their reign of terror over the jubilous EggPeople.  Oh yes the Barnlands were indeed on a raised upper area of the earth and indeed in the east, however later after a devastating world spinning accident it was left in the southernly easternly area and the Down South Penlands were left in the north east, however we don’t speak of that dispicable area of the world and it’s awful gaggles of moosiei inhabitants cavorting around naked and breaking our numerous commandments, murdering, coverting, idolising and stealing everything in sight, those bastards!!”