Green tea is one of the most unusual and healthful liquids one can drink. It has been estimated that drinkers of green tea are happier, healthier and more productive than coffee drinkers. This fact has been established by the International Green Tea Makers Association, located in Beijing, China. They readily point to the numbers of cheap toys and tools that are being turned out in record numbers from Chinese factories, where green tea is given free to all of the assembly workers. This hops them up so much so that their productivity exceeds, by a factor of 500%, over similarly exploited workers in other 3rd world countries with unpronounceable names.

What does green tea have that regular tea doesn’t have?

Green tea has green envirogens that promote health, happiness and energy to anyone, whether they are obscure, disenfranchised, living in China or anywhere else in the world. In a recent experiment conducted by the Green Tea Makers Association, white mice that drank green tea, instead of water were more likely to be outgoing, energetic and possess a distinct desire to assemble small wooden or plastic projects. Projected onto a human population, Dr. Weng Fung Chui, professor of Ortho-Robotics at the University of Wung Huang Lou has publicly stated that the ingestion of green tea by assembly line workers, as observed, is probably the difference between winning toy assembly teams and losing teams.

Asked why this is the case, Dr. Chui has stated that, “Green tea can really hop you up. In fact, its better than speed, cocaine or any of the other drugs we’ve used on our assembly workers. And best of all, it’s real cheap!” The only drawbacks to drinking lots of green tea is that it will make the teeth of the drinker glow faintly green at night. This is not much of a problem in parts of China without street lights. The green tea workers are asked to walk down the street with a continuing grimace that will undoubtedly show their teeth and illuminate the streets whenever a large group of tea drinkers are walking.

Does Green Tea Have any Side Effects?

Notwithstanding the green, glowly toothiness of the Chinese assembly line worker (only occurring because the average Chinese in a factory drinks the equivalent of 13 gallons, daily), green tea has no side effects other than having a slightly fishy taste. Another problematic feature of green tea is, if you add milk to it, the mixture becomes unstable and combustible; therefore you may only drink green tea without any additives, not even sugar. Sugar when combined with tea makes the mixture syrupy and eventually will harden in your stomach 3 hours after you drink it, requiring surgical removal.