Flowing swiftly through the forest, rivers stop for nothing in their way.  The gentle water cuts through mud, grass, and stone.  As I stand and watch the water run around my legs and through my toes, my six year old mind captures every second of this magical moment.  Here I am standing waist deep in the river with a fishing rod in my hand with my father right by my side.  He only looks at the water as something that is there for him to wade through to get what he really wants.  I stand there and feel the gentle power and the constant stubborn force to continue downstream.  The river motivates me to be anything I want and gives me the power to do it.  Throughout my life, rivers, creeks, and oceans have captured my attention and spirit.  This is where I feel connected to my inner self.

            When my parents got divorced, I was the messenger between them.  As one might imagine, trying to be on both parents good side through a nasty divorce causes some tug and pull on a young teenager’s life.  While my mom was screaming at my dad through phone wires being their only connection, I ran to the creek outside of my house.  Crouched beneath my lower deck I would step down into the cool refreshing water and watch it twirl between my toes instantly pulling me back to the fun, innocent days of six.  As my mind travels back to the simplicity of those magical days, teardrops start to fall down like raindrops.  These tiny sad raindrops splash soundlessly into the ever flowing current below.  This current that is tugging at my toes to move forward no matter how dirty, stony, or tangles the ground may be.  So I begin to walk.  I walk all the way downstream to there was nothing left but open sky and fresh air. No houses. No cars. No roads. No noise but the sound of the rushing water. 

            I’m not sure how long I was out there…just standing and thinking and feeling all the power that was beneath my feet.  I remember thinking that all I wanted to do was stand there as long as it took for me to flow with the water.  To just let go and feel that freedom. To be away from all the yelling, screaming and fighting.  My mind couldn’t take all the hate that I was supposed to live with.  I couldn’t go back.  It wasn’t an option for me at that point in time.  I was happy for once with where I was at.  I was with me and only me with no outside forces pushing down.  I was the water.  I found myself.