I have lived on this earth for many years and have yet to master the toothpaste tube technique. It’s a simple enough task for most people to comprehend, but every once in a while there are those of us who need to take a course to better our skills in toothpaste tube training.

 The first time you try to squeeze out the toothpaste from the tube it’s not a big deal. The challenge comes when you’ve used it for a while and the tube loses it’s shape. Start squeezing from the bottom and work your way to the top.  Sounds rather effortless, right? Since most humans tend to be lazy creatures, it’s much simpler to just squeeze from the middle. What’s the harm, you will get the toothpaste out one way or another.

 They have invented toothpaste tube rollers for morons who don’t know how to master the art of squeezing toothpaste from a tube. If that doesn’t work for people, then they have the option of getting the toothpaste in a pump. This is most effective, unless of course, the pump is defective when you buy it. I have had that happen to me on numerous occasions. Whether it be toothpaste or hand lotion, some of these pumps have a mind of their own, there’s no stopping them.

 People who do roll their toothpaste tube from the bottom, are more likely to try to squeeze all of it out until the bitter end.  Even if they have to stomp on the tube with their feet, just as those who stomp on grapes to make wine. These are the same people who will use the last sheet of toilet paper despite how small.

 If you pass the toothpaste tube squeezing with flying colors, the next goal is to go for your electronic toothbrush license.  Those brushes have a mind of their own. You don’t control your Sonicare, they control you.

 Lastly, it’s a myth that George Washington had wooden teeth. While it was true he had severe dental problems, his dentures were carved from  hippopotamus ivory and gold. If they had such things as toothpaste pumps and electronic toothbrushes, good ol’e George might have saved himself from a whole slew of dental bills.

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