I watch the evening news every night – that’s where I get my worldview. I’m sure it’s accurate.

Well, the ad said ‘Just send your down payment check of $200 in the mail and we’ll ship your new car to you.’

I try to be an informed citizen. I watch television at least 4 hours per day.

I think I’ll just go get a swine flu shot. Duh! No matter that 25 people died from swine flu shots during the Carter administration – I’ll take it. Duh!

I believe that the economy has recovered. Duh!

I think I’ll just slow down on the freeway to about 35 miles per hour. That way, people will slow down, we’ll save some gas, and we’ll fight global warming. Duh!

Thank goodness they finally fixed all the problems with social security!

I just got a job as a crash test dummy. Wow!