1)  I’m so painfully shy that I find it difficult conversing with any man I’m attracted to. I’ll chat for as long as is considered polite, and then make my excuses and leave. It takes me a long time to get to know people and feel comfortable around them enough to be myself. I’m worried that no guy will consider me worth taking the time to get to know, and that he will give up after a couple attempts.

2)  I’ve never been attracted to women before, but during the past year I’ve had an alarming number of dreams in which I’m either kissing and/or close to fornicating with a nameless female. I always wake up before we get to the actual sex. I’m not entirely sure if this frustrates me or if I’m grateful when the dream ends there. Maybe a bit of both. Although I still don’t have the urge to be with women in real life, these dreams have led me to wonder whether I am unconsciously suppressing homosexual desires. I blame Freud. Damn you.

3)  Lately I’ve been finding excuses to avoid going to a friend’s house after spying what I’m convinced was a sex toy in her parents’ bedroom. I just don’t think I could look her mum or dad in the eye without laughing. My friend, thankfully, remains blissfully ignorant of her parents’ *ahem* active sex life. I’ve got to hand it to them though. For a couple in their sixties, they sure do know how to have a good time. I can only imagine what sights that leopard-print vibrator has seen.

4)  My friend Kelly was expecting a text from her new employer. She asked me to keep an eye on her mobile phone while she was in the bathroom. A text came through and I read it out to Kelly while she was in the shower. She thanked me and I went back to watching a film in the living room with her sister, Amanda. As I sat down, I accidentally pressed a button on the phone and Kelly’s picture folder opened up. I immediately got an eyeful as a photo came up of her ex-boyfriend in nothing but a pink lace thong. I gasped, which caught her sister’s attention. Amanda grabbed the phone off me and laughed. She then promptly texted the picture to everyone in her contacts list, including some of Kelly’s ex boyfriend’s friends. Why is this my confession? None of us had liked her ex. He had been a two-timing, manipulative liar. But I guess I could’ve tried a little harder to talk Amanda of it.

5)  When I was 7, I caught my friend’s mother kissing her brother in a non-sisterly way. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I thought it was a little odd. Nonetheless, I wasn’t planning on saying anything to anyone. However, when my friend’s mother offered to buy my silence with sweets whenever I went over to their house and even bought me a new toy, I happily went along with it. This continued for a whole year until they moved away.