I’ve often heard if you work with a cow long enough you get to know what they think. I believe this to be true because over the years I have begun to know when they’re going to turn and where they’re going to turn, but this is simply a matter of positioning no real insight into their thoughts.

This morning however I had a glimpse into the inner workings of the cows brain. I was attempting to move a cow into the parlor to be milked, when she walked into the wall. There was not a great deal of decision-making to be done here she could either walk into the parlor, walk over top of me, or walk into the wall.  This was nothing new to her, she had done this twice a day for years. After walking into the wall, she calmly stared at me and started chewing her cud.

That’s when it happened. Watching her, the hair, hide, and skull slowly disappeared and I could see inside her brain at first I thought it was just a big empty space. As I gazed more closely however, I saw two tiny little brain cells floating around in this vacuum. One said eat, the other shit.

As this discovery settled in, I found that I was not all that surprised. Cows have very little need for intelligence. The secret to caring for cows is to take away decisions. If a cow is given an opportunity to decide she will invariably make the wrong choice. So over the years caretakers of cows have set up their barns to eliminate decisions. Cows have become processing plants, send the food in one end and let them discharge it out the other. So though there may be many small details that could possibly enhance production the main issue in caring for a cow is simply to make sure those two tiny little brain cells don’t get stuck. As long as she can eat and shit the cow will remain healthy.

Yes today I saw inside a cows head, and it was desolate damn but it was desolate.