1) You look like an alien:      
If you have more holes, piercings, tatoos than marilyn manson, or even a funky haircut I will never date you. You would just attract too much attention. And I’m trying to lie low from creditors and the IRS. I need someone who will blend in.

2) You use 90s slang like “kick it” (see above).

3) You are unemployed: I don’t want someone broker than me, pulling me down instead of lifting me up. If I have to work, what makes you think you don’t? I’m not your sugar mama, so don’t look so sad when I reject you. You should be used to rejection after all those failed job interviews.

4) You’re a thug. I do not live in a rap video, and this is not the ‘hood. I don ‘t want someone with anger issues and unusally large weapon collection. I don ‘t have health insurance and am not covered for miscellaneous damage.

5) You work at McDonald’s Taco Bell, the Pretzel place in the mall, the cookie place in the mall, or other  food place where I might lose track of my weigh watchers points and succumb to temptation.

6) You’re too metro. Guyliner should have died in the eighties and your pants should not be tighter than mine unless you work at a strip club and are currently going out the door to work at that moment. I don’t want a featherweight.

7) You didn’t graduate. From Anything.Ever.

It doesn’t matter if you’re not a Rhoades scholar. You just need a GED. Some people think they can get by on good looks and a smile. But if you can’t spell, can’t read, and can’t do enough math to calculate the interest on my new car, then you need to go back to summer school and call me when you get hooked on phonics.

You’re dirty

We all know those people. The people with white flakes in their hair. The people whose jeans could stand up on their own because they are so crusty. The people who don’t shower, shave or  basically could live in the middle ages with their standard of cleanliness.This is not a freeway overpass and I don’t have any spare change.

9) You’re too dirty (the other kind)

Ron Jeremy does not star in my life and neither can you if you’re too pervy. If you have more twisted fantasys than an XXX rated movie, than keep them to yourself. Or no one will date you unless you pay them.

10) Just because

If any of these don’t cover it, or if I’ve left something out, than just because. Just because I don’t feel like it. Just because I can. I am woman and I am just os damn all powerful like that.

Enjoy