A sense of air brings my attention up.

I’ve felt that Ive been in a zombie mode for a long long time. I’ve felt like I’m on a hard track schedule that keeps me going day by day. no difference in tasks but just day to day tiresome backtrack in life.

i felt i have been asleep in a long ambiguous dream of just nothing. nothing but work, school, work, school, work school

I’ve gained a lazy mind, a lazy body, a lazy soul, a lazy life. My dreams of any sort of dreams went unfulfilled, useless dragged dreams. Oh boy do i just dream. People think I’m obnoxious, a liar, crazy, useless, moronic when i dream of doing this, doing that, visiting here, going there, having my hands up in the air while the car zooms by. I just dream and i  believe that what kept me going, kept me from going insane, kept me from blowing up and wanting to crush everything in sight.

My dreams are not goals in my lifetime but memories that should be cherished everyday. memories gained from doing something drastic, something different, something that everybody will remember and it doesn’t have to be fucked up. I use to be the most spontaneous person ever, quiet yet fun to be around with, well this past time I’ve been trapped in this present i haven’t been spontaneous but more assertive and gangrel.

well i had enough and what woke me up was traveling to the valley, yes the once discarded place i consider home as the valley. i traveled down there and looked in a mirror at my parents house and i couldn’t recognize myself. I see someone that isn’t me but just a blur of no recognition. I had gained weight, i looked tired, no fun in my eyes but bags of despair.

what did i do? saw my best bud and just felt a live again. felt like something was missing and hanging with that bastard was all it took ha ha.

I have lost some weight and gained my confidence and trying to regain contact with past buds and see whats shaking. I may not be like the old victor but i will be a newer victor, trying to keep the attributes but recreate some new shit with my crazy mind. oh yes, i come up with shit in the instant yo.

so i will continue the workouts, the dieting, the looking out the windows and dreaming of my daydreams but one thing for sure, is i will do what i can to make this life a more bearable and fun time yo!