I feel so blessed.  Christmas was a most wonderful day for me; quite a change from years past.

For the last decade, give or take a year, my Christmas holidays have been less than stellar.  I’ve enjoyed the build up to the holiday but on the 25th of December, I would be a sobbing wreck.  I never stopped to think of why I was miserable, I just figured that it was the way things were and that was all it was to it.

I was wrong.

I woke up this morning and guess what?  I was HAPPY!  It almost shocked me!  Watching my son open presents was one of the coolest feelings ever.  I also loved handing my father gifts and watching him open them.  My dad stays to himself mostly and he was surprised that he got anything, much more so that he received several things.  It was a really heart warming experience for me and it helped me to realize why times had been so tough before. 

For the majority of this decade I had dated a man who took everything.  He took my time, my heart, my money, and really, my soul.  He was a rotten human being who cheated and blamed it on me, spent all of my money and then made me feel like I was a worthless human being.  After so many years of hearing and living nothing but that- one begins to believe it.  So it was each Christmas, he would find some reason that he needed money, and would get it.  So when it came to buying gifts for those I loved, it was hard.  I would buy a few items for my son and that was about it.  To put it in a bit of perspective, he was my son’s father.  One would think a father would want his son to have everything: not this man.

Now, he is out of the picture, so this year, my tree went up before Thanksgiving, Christmas music has been played for weeks on end, and I’ve been indulging in Christmas movies with my son-to-be four year old.  We’ve been living it up!  I didn’t get to go shopping until the day before Christmas but I was able to buy for friends, my father and most of all: my son.  I spent more than I would normally think possible but I did so and my bills were also paid.  I suddenly feel that I AM important and I am worth something.  Not just because I can buy things but because I am able to PROVIDE for my family. 

I want to say that I hope everyone had a joyful holiday and also have a Happy Boxing Day.