People throw the word trust around as they do oxygen, but what exactly does the word trust really mean???

Trust is such a powerful word to me. Only because I feel like without it most things in life will fail. Job security, friendships, relationships, survival, etc… Trusting someone else is something that I thought of as being the hardest because I thought of it as… I know what I would do in a situation and do I trust this person to nurture it or take care of it as I would? It’s not that though. The hardest thing is trusting yourself. This week has opened up so many different things that I may or may not go into, but it’s very important that I discuss the word trust because my trust and the trust of others has been tested on different levels. The level for which I would like to discuss is first of all being able to trust someone completely. I had a conversation with someone the other day and I expressed that I not only trusted this person, but I trusted myself with this person which is something that I can’t honestly say that I have been able to do. You know that time when you got into an argument with someone and then maybe you hear a car drive by and someone throws an egg at your window within moments of the conversation. Who is the first person you think to confront? That’s right!!! The person that you just argued with. It’s only natural. Now let’s say you call the person within seconds and ask their whereabouts and they are only 2 minutes from you visiting a cousin or whatever. Now this is when your trust levels are tested. They can vary depending who this person is and what that person means to you. So you ask flat out “Did you just drive past my house and throw and egg at my window?” The person says no. Now you’re probably thinking to yourself hmmm… okay. I just got into a huge argument with you and maybe it was really bad and then moments after a car drives by and this is something that has never happened in my whole entire life, and then an egg hits my window and you are only a few blocks away, which I don’t recall you stating when we were on the phone…bla bla bla.. your mind is just analyzing… During this process a number of things can happen. You can ask again to look for something different in the tone or the answer, you can create a hypothetical analogy to see how the other person reacts to it, you can call the person’s bluff and maybe ask them to come over there to talk so you can inspect the vehicle or whatever, you can hang up and maybe call a neighbor that you see standing outside that may have seen the vehicle, and so on and so forth OR you can trust that this person has told you the truth and you can trust that YOU are safe with this person because you trust your instincts with this person. What I mean by that is, we can all say that we trust this person or that person and then what tends to happen is when some crazy situation occurs, we question ourselves. We question what the other person says and then we question what we hear. A person can say that they didn’t do something and we can hear what they just said, or a person can say that they didn’t do something and we can hear what they didn’t say. A doubt. Trust will screw up your life!!! You either trust someone completely or you need to get out of a situation where you don’t. The integrity of someone was tested and like clockwork, my integrity was tested. Both situations that took place were very suspect. One was even more suspect than the first. The response that I received to the first situation was testing my trust for this person and if I trust myself. The answer is yes. I joked about the situation afterwards because of how peculiar it was. I talked about it with no hidden comments or agendas because I trust myself completely with this person. I expressed my thought process with this person. Similar to that process that you go through as stated above where you think like okay i just got into an argument then consequently a bad situation happened, which we often leave out. We tend to simply respond to someone with another question, or just say okay if we believe them or whatever. But when you truly trust that person and yourself you can include all of the extras that you were feeling in the conversation and that person will understand that process because it’s natural. What conclusion you come up with after that process all depends on your trust levels. I trust him. I trust myself with him completely. I will not let something that used to be hard for me to do interfere with how powerful it has become with this person. You can ask someone questions when something does not look or sound or feel right to you, but the answer is the true test. Do you believe him or her, or do you think that it’s bull crap? Did you just say okay and deep down inside still wonder if you were told the truth? Did you wait a million years later and ask again? Then you don’t trust that person and if you start out any relationship that way, it will never work because it’s not built on anything. Trust is the foundation that plants the root of how the tree will grow. If the roots are flaky, the tree will not be strong and it will break. If the roots are strong, then the tree will grow healthy and last through a storm. The second situation is even more peculiar and I expressed to this person that I would have automatically asked my concerns flat out because of how peculiar it was. Now I really feel like his trust for me and his trust for himself with me were being tested… I didn’t even realize that it was being tested until the conversation that we had progressed from jibberish for which I couldn’t even understand. Once I understood, I knew it was being tested because if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be the one testing it. There is nothing wrong with asking someone if they did something to you. People confuse that with interrogation and there is a difference. The police interrogate suspects because they deal with them on a day to day basis and they don’t know them nor do they care to know them so they ask a series of questions to check the answers. Almost resembling a customer service survey for a job. It’s created to trick the brain and if you are telling the truth your answers will be the same, if you are lying, then you will be BUSTED!!! Interrogating someone that you say you trust is WRONG!!!! You interrogate because you have lack of trust. Asking someone a question or two because you have a concern is natural, BUT you have to trust the answer they gave you no matter how funny it sounds. I would never betray your trust. I ask what I want to know and even what I don’t because that builds strength in a relationship. I don’t judge based on the past, but your actions and what you tell me is what I am interested in. I will not let any outside influences or pettiness interfere with the trust that I have because I deserve to be able to not think that you would betray that and I also deserve to be happy. I’ve been thinking that about people my whole life because their actions have put me in that position. What exactly does it mean to Trust? Now ask yourself that question. It means to let go. It’s so quick for us to assume the worst because that’s what we have been used to, but miss out on the best because of it. I refuse to begin that way which is why communication is sooooooooo important in any relationship. If you don’t trust the person that you are with, leave… Are you staying? Okay well let’s get back to work with breaking down these blocks.

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Liked it
  • joystick7 on Nov 17, 2008

    Nice article!

  • Debra. on Nov 18, 2008

    Very nice write.
    God bless you!
    DEB

  • rodster57 on Oct 24, 2010

    Hello Destini, I’ve read your articles and find them very informative. I have written articles on relationships and love. I would like to become your friend, check my articles out when you get a chance. Thx-rodster57

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