When You Know They Don’t Like You

L.E.Monist on Mar 18, 2010

Tags: emotions, Life, psychology, self-analysis

Why to be silent.

I was visiting some relatives with whom I had a forced cordial relationship. I noticed the little girl wasn’t ‘right’. I was about to say something to the father, in fact my mouth was open, the first piece of word came out, but I quickly changed what I had to say into a meaningless amenity.

Back home I shared my belief the child was autistic with my circle, and mentioned how I’d almost
spoken. Someone asked why I didn’t speak…but then realized it for herself.

When people don’t like you anything you say can and will be held against you. You will be
blamed for all manner of things; hence had I used the word ‘autistic’ the father would have
started barking at me, the mother would have joined, and I’d have left in a snit.

And when the child was diagnosed autistic, I’d be blamed.
I’d be blamed as if my words had summoned the Demon of Autism to their child.

People are far more ruled by emotions than they wish to admit. If a person likes you, you can
pretty much have anything that falls out of your mouth treated with respect. If a person
doesn’t like you, everything you say is attacked.

You can get people who despise you to act against their interest by making good
suggestions. Whatever it is, they won’t do it. You want to eat Chinese. you say Italian.
You want to go out you suggest staying in.

I’ve recently been informed the child has been diagnosed as autistic.
“Oh.” I say, blankly.

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Comments (9)

amandeep13 on Mar 18, 2010
Well presented stuff

Very Nice write
ashan1614 on Mar 18, 2010
This is true. When people don’t like you they generally will not receive anything you have to say to them even if it is for their benefit.
L.E.Monist on Mar 18, 2010
If I’d spoken it would have led to a row, and then, of course it would be my fault, and they’d resist the diagnosis for years…not
mentioning it, it wasn’t my fault.
Butterfly Musings on Mar 18, 2010
I am waiting for the editors at Ac to clear a similar article in a sense. It is about helping a friend and about how to say anything in a manner to help.
Your article of course is different in some ways but almost of the same theme. I have a relative who, let’s say is extremely “touchy” . She and her offspring are the same. I have never been able to assert myself around them without becoming as you said the “cause ” of their problems. Although when everything falls apart this same relative comes to me for HELP, but my opinion means nothing or is the cause if it is not asked of me first. So I like you say nothing until they want help.

a great write:}
L.E.Monist on Mar 20, 2010
It’s very common. Most people have this sense of an overweening level of intelligence so that whether you like me or not, if I say something sensible it gets a fair shake. No. When people don’t like you, anything you say is a problem If you say their hair looks good, they’ll snap at you…”Yes!” as if you’re being sarcastic.

If they come to you for advice, ask; what do you think? Let them talk. Then agree. So they can argue with themselves.
diyakapoor on Mar 22, 2010
well written
L.E.Monist on Mar 22, 2010
thank you
Jenna Christiansen on Apr 1, 2010
this is so true…. but, good judgement on your part…. with some people, they can’t handle the truth anyway….even from someone very knowledgable….it just doesn’t happen, especially if they don’t like us. Sometimes we need to be blind or someone could suffer far worse….to spite us….
L.E.Monist on Apr 1, 2010
That’s where I was Jenna. If I said ‘autistic’ they’d not only resist it, but when a teacher or doctor said it, they’d feel they were ‘agreeing’ with me, and resist it to. As I didn’t say anything, the child’s condition has nothing to do with me.

When You Know They Don’t Like You

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