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Oh man I feel like crap…my gut is churning something wicked. Why is there carpet in my mouth? Why is the bed so hard? Hmmm, that’s strange…I don’t normally sleep on the floor. Let’s see if I can get up.

Woooaahhh freaking room is spinning…I think I will just sit here for a bit. What the hell happened? I don’t remember anything. How did I get here…and where the friggen heck are my pants?

Maybe they are on the bed. Maybe I took them off and then fell off the bed. I’ll see if I can get up on my knees. OH NO – what a bloody mess. Looks like I had pasta last night. What’s that stench? Smell of bile and aniseed…oh…black sambuca. Yeah vaguely remember that. Chunks of lemon! What the fu…what was I doing eating lemons? Biting and swallowing freaking big chunks of lemon. Oh crap – they had tequila there didn’t they? No wonder the freaking room is spinning. What a bloody mess…how the hell am I going to clean this up…and where’s my freaking pants? They’re not here either.

Don’t tell me I got here without wearing pants…oh no…my boss was there last night. What’s this crap on my undies…brown stuff? I hope it’s not what I think it is…let me see if I can scrape some off. Not sure…smells a little nasty. Dare I taste it…I have to know…it’s one thing to take your pants off, it’s another to sh…phew – just dirt. Where the hell did the dirt come from? Oh yeah…there was some construction work near the pavilion. I must have fallen in it getting home. That’s why I hurt so much.

Dirt on my undies! Oh man, that definitely means I had no pants on when I left the pavilion. Will this freaking bloody room stop spinning? Oh man my head hurts…what…blood. Oh crap, so I’ve hit my freaking head on the ground. What an idiot. Black sambuca and tequila…what was I thinking? Where’s the damn bathroom? Let’s see if I can stand.

Oh…whoa…oh crap. Now I’ve broken the lamp. Spewed my guts on the bed…broke the lamp…lost a pair of $100 pants…just freaking great…bloody hell. Where did they put the stupid bathroom…oh yeah…there it is. Why can’t I freaking walk…I’ve been walking for over 30 years…I’ve gotten quite good at it. Jesus h…move you stupid legs. Where’s the damn stinking light…no that’s not it…yep…ok…there…got it.

Well OK then…so that’s where my pants are. I wonder if I split the arse of my pants before I put my head through it, or during? What freaking maniac cut the legs off my pants…hope it wasn’t me…got to be able to get mad at somebody…far out…$100 pants. You freaking idiot. Oh well…could have been worse I suppose…I didn’t nude up. At least I got home still wearing my undies…OH FOR FREAKING CRAPPING SAKE…they aren’t my undies!!!