Why me? A question of doubt…

Good morning fellow toastmasters. In front of you is a person full of doubts and questions in life. Why me? Why do I have to go through all those challenges in the past and even in the present?

Sharpening of the diamond, the making of a leader, part of growing up, and so on, these are stories that might answer to my questions. But there are times when all those stories won’t really make sense to me.

And who would have thought that from a playful and perhaps an ordinary childhood experience, I could see different perspectives to my own questions.

Contrary to most people think, I was not a socially-adept person as a kid. Even until now it’s still a big challenge for me. Maybe I am just a good actor. I would rather stay at home and do things on my own than to go out with friends and play. Being the eldest of 3 (back then), I was responsible of a lot of things at home – from cooking to washing clothes to doing the dishes, etc.

During summer, I seldom get excited. Summer never meant play to me, but work. I had to help my grandparents in the farm. Had any of you here experienced planting corn, mongo, beans, sweet potato, cassava or even coconut? What about harvesting mangoes or peanuts? What about drying copra? I am proud to say that I have experienced all these chores in my childhood years. Regret? No!

If not for those experiences, perhaps I would not have this story to share with you today. During those years of course, it wasn’t all work though. I also had lots and lots of playtime. Despite being a loner-type of kid, I still had many playmates of course – some chosen friends. With them, I was a regular boy who enjoyed adventures and experiments. Sometimes we broke some rules of our folks for no reason. And with them I sometimes get spanked.

Do you know what “kiko” is? Not Kiko Barreda. I got spanked for that! Kiko is our local name for cocoons. If you press its hard shell, its bottom part would wiggle. It looked like a compass pointer. With rhythm, we would press its hard shell and sing “kiko kiko, kinsay mas gwapo namong tanan?” That’s how we got its name – kiko. There is another variety of cocoon that got me scolded by my Lola. Have you seen a moth cocoon? It is different from that of a butterfly. It doesn’t have hard shells. It looks like elongated gray cotton. One day, I found two moth cocoons and brought it at home. I noticed that they were moving inside it. Out of childish curiosity, I opened to see what was inside it. Of course it’s a worm or a caterpillar, what else do you expect? My Lola saw what I did and pak… I got spanked!