If at first you don’t succeed:

1. Pay someone else to do it.
2. Your obviously a confederate.
3. The second time around won’t be different; at least that’s what the ex-wife says.
4. Lie and say you did. Then say you have a super power, and leave the conversation before anyone asks any questions.
5. Realize that success is as fickle as a spoiled child. Your no pedophile, so you don’t need success…or the children you keep in your van.
6. Scheme more. (Its especially effective if you do your scheming in your mother’s basement, and have a neck beard.)
7. Your obviously a sucker for instant gratification. Sucker.
8. Ignore that nagging feeling of failure with alcohol. (It’s the closest you’ll ever get to be a man, even if your a woman)
9. Tax the people who do.
10. Kill anyone who does.
11. Make it illegal.
12. Take it out back and beat it with a baseball bat. (Not on camera, that’s copyright infringement)
13. Sign a prenuptial agreement.
14. Accept that you’ll never be that operatic lawyer you’ve always dreamed of being.
15. Plead the fifth amendment and say a cool rhyme. (ex: if the prune don’t fit, your not going to shit)
16. Swear your revenge…In three different languages.
17. Make a thought control device, and make your mindless slaves do it for you.
18. suddenly start acting like your invisible, and sneak out the back door. (This works better if your at large parties, no one will follow you, or talk to you the day after)
19. Make some special fruit punch, and start a cult against whatever it is you fail at. Then pick a favorite date and hitch a ride on a space ship! (Warning: You must be certifiably insane and live in the desert to have this option)
20. Become a hooker. A really good one.