Let’s start the New Year off right with ten witty fortune cookie sayings.

1.   Credit is going to be tighter than the sweater that you are wearing.

2.   Your breasts are like flowers, implanted.

3.   Your flabby belly is not going away any time soon. 

4.   Your ideal job just went to your best friend.  Look for another best friend.

Image by adobemac via Flickr

5.   Never hang a picture on the wall when you have a hangover.

6.   Today is the day that you tell your boss to go take a hike. Hopefully, your boss likes mountain climbing.

7.   Frosted Flakes is good.  Frost bite is bad.

8.   If your original painting says “Made in China,” it probably isn’t original at all.

9.  Constipation does not go hand in hand with consumption.

10. When your alimony payment is bigger than your waistline, then you know you’re in trouble.

11.  You will not go very far if you replace your car with a tricycle.

12.  The higher the fructose, the lower the IQ.

13.  Don’t plan on feeling well if the medicine that you take tastes bad.