How do you make an elephant fly? First, you start out with a really long zipper….


image via wikipedia

From time to time most guys have suffered the ignomy of having a lady, sometimes one not of his acquaintance, mention that his trousers are unzipped.  It happens, especially if we dress ourselves in the morning.  In the event you are a world traveller or are planning a trip to a foreign country in the near future you may wish to learn how to advise a gentleman of such a costume malfunction in a discreet manner germain to his native land.

In the U.S. it is common practice to say, “Your barn door is open.”  A similar phrase is used in Denmark:  “You forgot to lock up the livestock.”  In Slovenia, Norway, Turkey and Romania the delicate way of advising a man of the problem is saying, “Your shop is open.”

Animals are often used in the various euphemisms such as in Finland where it is polite to say, “Your horse is running away.”  Somewhat less delicate is the admonition in Australia:  “The flies are bad around here.”  One would say, “Your trouser’s stable door is ajar,” is commonly said in Germany and Switzerland while France uses the phrase, “Seems like today is open day.”

At the agora Greeks would have you say, “Markets are wide open today,” in Myanmar and Vietnam, one would say, “I see the market is also open on Sunday.”   “Your beer store is open,” is spoken in Israel and “Your bar is open,” in Mexico.  In India, advise the gentleman that “Your post office is open.”

The Irish would have you say, “You have egg on your chin.  Koreans use the phrase “Nam Dae Moon” or south gate referring to the southern most gate in the wall that encircled the old capital.    Polish folk say “Your elevator went down” and Swedes, a bit less polite ask, “Have you been to a girl party?”

“Your little bird is going to escape,” is a typical comment made in Spain,  likewise in Brazil, “Your bird is going to fly away.”  Argentinians ask, “Esta abierta la farmacia?”  (Is the pharmacy open?)  Brits are fond of saying “You’re flying low” or “You’re flying without a license.”  Russian boys simply start counting, “One, two, three…” until the unzipped one figures it out.

Yes, it has happened to me and I have found it mildly embarrassing but mostly it’s just humorous.  It’s reported that at a public function late in the career of Winston Churchill someone passed him a note advising the Prime Minister that his fly was unbuttoned.  He supposedly scribbled back on the note, “a dead bird does not drop from the nest.” 

  

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Comments (32)
  • keyboardologist on Nov 29, 2009

    We can always count on you for some good humor, and informative advice at the same time.

  • Goodselfme on Nov 29, 2009

    Interesting ! TX

  • Darla Cooke on Nov 29, 2009

    Interesting write! :)

  • Lord Banks on Nov 29, 2009

    I like the Finland example! however the similarity of me to a horse, unfortunatley is not true! nice one Ken-ster!

  • Jenny Heart on Nov 29, 2009

    Fun read for the start of a new day.

  • strovek on Nov 29, 2009

    lol

  • mo hoyal on Nov 29, 2009

    Another good one from you Ken. My nine year old grand daughter said that when boys at school go around in this “condition”, that they say “your fly is open!” Of course I’m sure there are lots of giggles too. Where on earth do you get these really neat ideas from? Enjoy you so much!

  • Brenda Nelson on Nov 29, 2009

    Have you been to a girl party? OMG that would feel so creepy to say to somebody, but funny too.

  • Themax on Nov 29, 2009

    ha ha ha! Ken ohh ken!! very funny and love to read it,Thanks :) ha ha!!

  • Jamie Myles on Nov 29, 2009

    An amusing read! Unique topic .I enjoy Your unusual posts.

  • chitragopi on Nov 29, 2009

    Solutions for a global problem

  • johnnydod on Nov 29, 2009

    hahahaha so good… Ken you have opened another great topic

  • cutedrishti8 on Nov 29, 2009

    :) I just read this when I was going to sleep…
    Very funny way to end the day..

  • stryka66 on Nov 29, 2009

    Excuse me while I just check !! Great write, Ken

  • abhishek40914 on Nov 29, 2009

    funny one :)

  • TheStayAtHome on Nov 29, 2009

    very nice… i think. haha

    thanks for sharing!

  • Ruby Hawk on Nov 29, 2009

    That’s another good one Ken, and believe it or not, I hadn’t heard any of them. I just whisper to my pardner, close your zipper.

  • Teves on Nov 29, 2009

    Send your article links here in my website to get more views. This is the only way that I can help all the triond users. You can also sign my “GUESTBOOK”. http://www.articlespost.page.tl

  • deep blue on Nov 29, 2009

    I got a stomachache reading your piece. You truly are one hell of a comedian my friend. I wonder how would you tell a lady his twin peaks are showing through the clouds….

  • Papa Sparks on Nov 29, 2009

    Lol! Another fun read and yes, in Korea they use the expression referring to Namdaemun (which means South Gate). Sadly, that gate was destroyed by a fire last year (another one is being rebuilt now).

  • AlmaG on Nov 29, 2009

    This is so funny! thanks :)

  • James DeVere on Nov 29, 2009

    Confucious say, “Man with foreskin must only choose button fly jeans.” j

  • Authoress Terry E. Lyle on Nov 29, 2009

    The last lines said by Churchill sums it up nicely.:)

  • wonder on Nov 30, 2009

    Extremely creative and humorous.

  • Christine Ramsay on Nov 30, 2009

    Ha ha! That is wonderful. There are a lot of new ones there which I had never heard of. I love the Churchill one. Very entertaining as usual, Ken.

    Christine

  • Jane Jane on Nov 30, 2009

    LOL ken. nice. made me laugh.

  • lillyrose on Nov 30, 2009

    these were very funny! I had forgotten the Brit one myself, probably because I just say, “y, cocks hanging out!”

  • PR Mace on Nov 30, 2009

    I thought I knew what this was about from the title. Ken, you never let me down with your funny views.

  • Olivia Van Logum on Dec 1, 2009

    That’s a really great and unusual artilce – absolutely loved reading it! Especially loved the reference to Winston Churchill, which made me laugh out loud!

  • Lady Sunshine on Dec 2, 2009

    lmao! Nice to know this is universal for all men. And because of you Ken my tummy really hurts. :P

  • fragile18 on Dec 4, 2009

    lol. I enjoyed it, promise! haha

  • Olive B. on Dec 14, 2009

    um…one q: where did u get all of this??? how much spare time do you have?????????????????????????????? wow, it was great and truly hilarious.

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