People don’t know how tough it is to be a Zombie. They are always looking down on us, saying things like, “You’re dead to me. Get a life.”

So, I’ve looked all over the Internet.

I’ve even posted ads.

Here’s one I posted on the AllZombieAllTheTime site.

“Between guys?

Is your man in prison?

Try Bob Zombie, the super speedy in between excellent quality selection.”

I thought I’d focus on the desperate chicks. Didn’t work.

I even went skiing, which is where I heard there are many cool females.

What happened? I just got myself mired in what they call the “Apres Ski Hot Babe Disconnect.”

I joined a Zombie Ski Singles group. It was truly impressive seeing Zombies coming down the mountain one after the other nonstop. They say it scared some people. Volunteer Fireman arrived and cut down the chairlifts so we couldn’t get up anymore. Kind of unconstitutional, don’t you think? We had all night ski passes.

I had to get away for a while, so I went to an Adam & Eve Singles Bar. There were apes, chimps, snakes, apples–but knowledge–the kind they talk about in the bible. There was none of that.

It’s as bad as being alive. I’m thinking about getting into reincarnation.